


Lost For Words

by annioe



Series: Bandtrees One Shots [5]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: F/M, FluffI Love You, I Tried, Inspired by anonymous writer hat wrote the letter, Letters, Love Letters, The project was called the strangersproject, i hope you still enjoy it though, instagram post inspired this, it was actually a twitter thread that I saw on instagram, like I honestly tried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 16:32:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annioe/pseuds/annioe
Summary: Dear Zoe Murphy,Last night I should have told you I loved you.





	Lost For Words

**Author's Note:**

> If you didn’t read the tags, this one shot is heavily inspired by a letter from a project called The Strangers Project, where they get strangers to anonymously. I’ve definitely tweaked it so it doesn’t directly say the exact same thing the original letter said but both the first two letters were inspired by them. When I first read the letters I immediately thought of Evan talking to Zoe so I hope you enjoy.

Evan ripped a piece of paper from his journal and started scribbling down a multitude of words.

_Dear Zoe Murphy,_

_Last night I should of told you I love you._

_But I chickened out and told you, “you have really pretty eyes,” and you laughed and just said, “is that really the best you got?” No. I should have told you that I love your eyes and your half smile when you look at me and the incredible feeling you make me feel like I’m the most calm I’ve ever been. Like I’m floating on my back in the middle of the Pacific Ocean in Spring._

_But I’m ~~not great~~  terrible with words and I’ve never been in love before, not this much anyway. The love I have for you is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt. I cherish each feeling you give me, every touch, every whisper, every kiss. I always reply it in my mind over and over again like a movie. It’s so perfect._

_I’m the biggest coward. I’m to scared to tell you I love you because I don’t want you to run away. I like what we have now but if I tell you, everything could just disappear and you could resort back to ignoring me in the school halls and I don’t know how to deal with that. I was at my worst until you noticed me. I resorted to hurting myself rather than to seek help and fix everything. My life was in ruins, burning down as I simply watched and cried because I was too scared to grab some water to put it out._

_Zoe, you saved my life once. I was so insanely distracted by my own problems I forgot about reasons not to. The first immediate thought was you. Your laugh brightened up my world, like the stars in the night sky. Your voice when you sing is so enchanting it can put me into a trance and convince me to dance with you. Nothing was ~~great~~  perfect until you came into my life._

_But I’m a coward. I’m so scared that if I told you how I feel, I’ll mess it up and you’ll hate me. It’s realistic to think you don’t like me back. It’s impossible for you to actually love me back, I don’t even love myself. Why do I make up the thought that you actually like me back and you don’t just find me disgusting and needy. Why do you decide to stick around me anyway, it’s not like I’m special. It’s not like I’m popular, or hot or even rich. You’re all three of those things but so much more. I could tell you everything you’re beautiful and amazing at. I could go on for hours and even days just telling you how I don’t deserve someone like you._

_Yet I’m too scared to tell you that I love you._

_Tomorrow is never promised but I promise you this. I will tell you I love you. I’ll tell you how incredible you are and not chicken out. I wrote it down so I know I have to tell you. I want to be something more to you._

_Sincerely,_   
_The last loser in the universe, me._

•••

  
Zoe couldn’t find her headphones. Maybe she left them in Evan’s room. She quietly opening the door to make sure he wasn’t in there and spotted the earphones at his desk. She grabbed them but noticed a note with Evan’s handwriting and addressed to her.

She shouldn’t have snooped but she read the full thing. She read it and was almost brought to tears, realising how Evan had felt. No one ever loved Zoe as much as Evan did. Not even her own parents loved her as much as Evan did.

She flipped the page and started writing.

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_I love you. So much. I don’t know how to control it sometimes._

_I’m dating a boy with sunflower eyes. He makes me feel so special and looks at me whenever I walk past. He notices me and I notice him. He’s special to me. I love my sunflower boy._

_I don’t think he realises how special he is to me. I don’t think he’s able to see how truly amazing he is and how much I love him. He supports me when I’m feeling down and he helps me get off the ground. I wish I could do the same for him._

_Maybe I’m a coward. Maybe I’m too scared to frighten him if I told him how I really feel. Maybe I’m just thinking about if he’d run away from me and I don’t know how to function without him. He’s my rock, he grounds me. And I hope to somehow be that for him one day. Be someone he holds onto for dear life when every is crashing around us, when the sky is falling and the Earth is splitting into pieces, I hope I’m the person you hold onto._

_Sunflower boy is you Evan. I love you more than you realise. Whenever I look into your eyes I sink into you and feel like you’re a part of me. I love you so damn much._

_The way you comfort me in times of need, like when my parents were getting divorced. You were the only one who didn’t give up helping me even when I was pushing everyone away. I said I could deal with it on my own but you could help me. You were the only one who helped me._

_So I cannot stop saying I love you. I love you with all my heart and no matter how it turns out tomorrow, I’ll never stop loving you._

_Sincerely,_   
_The last loser’s girlfriend, Zoe Murphy._

•••

  
Evan couldn’t be more prepared. He wore a suit, one Zoe got tailored for him when they attended Heidi’s wedding. He home cooked a meal that was her favourite. A toss up between sushi and pasta. He bought some wine and even though he hated drinking, he decided to do it for Zoe.

He candle lit their dining room and waited with a bouquet of flowers in hand. Ranging from sunflowers to lilies. She loved her flowers.

She walked into their home with an overwhelming smile when she saw how nicely decorated it was. Evan standing at the door as he hesitantly kissed her cheek. She loved how he still got slightly nervous when kissing her.

“I laid out an outfit for you to wear. Meet me in the dining room.”

Biting her lip as she went over to her room, she saw a sun flower dress and a pair of tanned sandals waiting for her.

She got dressed and walked over to the dining room. Fairy lights hung from the ceiling and the dining table was surrounded by candles and her favourite foods. Pasta and sushi. An odd mix for a odd girl.

Evan was there putting the flowers into a vase and he immediately noticed her in her dress and shoes. He blushed furiously red and guided her to sit down. She followed and sat opposite him at their round table.

“Zoe,” Evan began, “I’m guessing you read my note. I wanted to tell you a few things so I wrote another letter.”

“ _Dear Zoe Murphy,_  
 _You are the most beautiful, passionate and sincere person I know. I don’t know how I’ll put these into actual words because you make me think of images and not words. A picture can hold a thousand words._

_I made a promise tonight. I’m pretty sure you read my promise but I promised you one thing and I really don’t want to mess it up.”_

_Evan started to stutter as he read the next few words._

_“You mean the whole galaxy to me. You mean everything to mean and I wouldn’t change it for a thing. I love you Zoe Murphy. I love you sunflower girl. I want to worship you and be with you for the rest of my life. The rest of our lives lay ahead of us and I want to spend it with you._

_Sincerely,_  
 _Me._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a kudos and a comment, I want validation


End file.
